Showing posts with label panic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label panic. Show all posts

15 August 2009

it's going to be a long one.

day, that is.

i'm less than 48 hours from starting the exam portion of my summer, and i couldn't feel more conflicted. I mean, i've been preparing for this all summer (okay, it's actually been a lot longer than that) and i feel relatively prepared. looking over past questions, i feel like i can answer most of them.

but there are some things on the reading list that i just can't answer to. please cross your fingers that i'm not given a choice between answering on le mosche del capitale and la chimera. because then i would cry. luckily, if that does happen, i have a room to myself for the exam, so no one else will have to witness the breakdown.

13 August 2009

outside the gate.

Okay, so I'm moving back to the west coast after five years of grad school in about four months, because I'm going to be a dissertator and I don't have a job guarantee and my soon-to-be-husband already has a job lined up (because accounting is something that happens regardless of the state of the economy and the enrollment of students in foreign language classes) and, well, I can write a dissertation from anywhere. Especially somewhere that below zero sounds like a make-believe temperature, right?

Except I'm really nervous. It's not a new place to live. I grew up in the same area where we'll be living, so it's not a matter of feeling out of place physically; maybe I would prefer that, though, because I felt out of place when I experienced my first real winter and realized I didn't actually know what a coat was. But there was an easy enough solution for that -- buy a coat where the weather is cold, because they'll sell something much more weather-ready.

So it's not that.  It's just that, well, I've been in academia for a while and I'm nervous that I will feel completely out of my element, without people to make erudite academic jokes and to discuss research or dissertation woes...am I being ridiculous? I've got loads of time to worry about this, and I should be worrying about the 125 item list looming in the ever-nearing future.